It is a year to the day today since R and I first met. On Sunday it will be a year to the date.
A year since we first saw each other on the station platform, since we lunched in the Rose Gardens overlooking the river, a year since we walked along that same river and talked and talked. A year since we sat on the bench, hidden in the woods and shared our first kiss. That was some kiss. 
I was overdressed for the heat, but so was he. We both wanted to make a good impression. He tells me now I looked typically English - whatever that may mean. To me, I saw a well dressed guy, who was a real gentleman, with whom I felt immediately at ease.
When we parted at the end of the afternoon, we had already arranged the second date, and knew what we would do. When you meet someone, both looking for an affair, then if the chemistry is right, there is little point in waiting.
The chemistry was right then, right when we next met, when we first made love, and has been right ever since.
R fell in love with me on our first afternoon together, and I knew that. I bewitched him he said and it scared him. He had not embarked on an affair looking to fall in love. Neither had I, but we do not choose whom we fall in love with.

The past year has seen us in different hotels at home and abroad, always good hotels, as R has high standards. I have learnt not to quibble about money ( at least I have improved anyway)- I have learnt to let him spoil me, but i still insist on paying my share.
We also met in "seitensprung" rooms, designed for lovers to steal a few hours, and now we have our nest, which we have had 6 months now. The nest is a haven for us, where we can be us, and love each other, and no one knows us, no one cares what we are doing. The house is anonymous, the neighbours do not mix. It is perfect.

I have grown in the past year I think. I know I am attractive, I know I am sexy, I learnt that all from Mark, but the past year I have grown even more in my confidence, as I see the love in R's eyes and feel it when we are together. I have also grown in my job, taken new responsibilities, felt more confident.
The year bought with it the illness for his wife of course, but that has bought us closer together. I think it could have gone either way at the beginning. He could have paniked, felt guilty, or been so tied up with hospital visits that I was in the way. But instead I am his retreat from it all, at least I try to be. I think I have helped keep him strong in the last year, and our love has grown stronger and stronger. We understand each other totally, and there is no pretence.

We have never had an argument either, which I find amazing. I rarely argued with Mark that I can remember either, but we did not see each other so regularly as R and I do. If we argued, it would have been about religion I think.
This week though, there was a hiccup. R tried to be dutiful, he felt that my husband was in a depression or crisis, and needed all my love to pull through. He tried to end it. At least I think that was what was going on. There was a lot happening at the time with the relapse of his wife. I understand his motives, but it has shaken me slightly. I thought we were a strong team, and now I am not so sure. I thought it would take a lot to cause us to part, but now I am not so sure about that either.
We did not part, my husband is not depressed or having a crisis. To be honest, even if he was, I have fallen out of love with him a long time ago, and I cannot simply give him all my love by taking it back from R. Love does not work like that.
Actually, love is not rationed, we have enough for all, love grows with use. I love my husband as in I want the best for him, but I cannot love him as lovers do, or as a lovîng man and wife should.

I think R knows he was foolish, he regrets his actions, got carried away by all that was going on. He has just emailed to say that coming to meet me one year ago was one of the best decisions he ever made   That is wonderful to hear.

So for now I look forward to the next year, and I hope that it is even better than the previous one. I am very happy with R, totally content, and know that me being happy with him means I am happier at home, easier to live with, and that makes my husband happier too. This relationship is currently not taking anything from him, he never wants sex, and if he does, then I don't deny him. And if one day I leave him, then it is more likely to be because I want to live for me for a while, so see what my life brings. I have outgrown him, and one day it will be time to move on. But I am not building up my hopes that it will be to R. He cannot leave his wife now, but no one knows what the future might bring.