Today has been a frustrating day.
Has anyone got any advice on how to get teenagers to help more? My 2 girls eat all the food in the house, leave crumbs and wrappers lieing around for me to clean up, never tidy their rooms, and spend most hours in front of the Tv or PC.

Today I tackled my 16 years old room - always a daunting task for which I get no appreciation. She is out all day, with a friend, so no interruptions. I entered her room with trepidation, and cleared the dirty glass and plates. Laundry lay all around the dusty floor, yet the laundry basket provided for the purpose, stood totally empty.
So I gathered all the items, sniffed them a bit and consigned them to the laundry bin. 2 pairs of jeans passed the sniff test, so I opened the drawers to put them away, and found - you won't believe this - several individually wrapped used sanitary towels
This happened once before, I found lots of used pads still stuck in knickers hidden around her room !!! Is she trying to deny her femaleness or something? At least individually wrapped is a move up from before, but obviously I need to talk to her about that.

Having cleared the floor I could see the papers and tissues that had not made it into the waste paper basket, which is also thoughtfully provided for the purpose, so they were next. The bin was filled, the laundry bin also. Then I vacummed, sucking up massive hair balls from all over. I dusted, I wiped, i sorted.
I stripped the bed, and remade it with fresh laundry. It looks heaps better.

But it will not last, she will probably not appreciate it. Not sure why I do it really, but I do get some satisfaction from seeing it clean and tidy occassionaly.

and the younger one is not much better. Her room gets tidied, she at least says thanks, and then proceeds to slowly mess it up again through laziness and thoughtlessness.

Teenagers are the same all over it seems, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

I have just got in, and the kitchen is clean, the laundry is on, the recycling has been sorted! And it wasn't the pixies or the kids.
This is a very rare occasion, but I have expressed my appreciation
It sure makes a nice change

If the kids were a bit older who would I choose?
If he could leave his wife, who would I choose?

Do I stay with my husband of 25 years,
who never wants to make love,
who doesn't care how he looks,
who is always scratching at skin not that clean?
Okay he can cook, and change the car tyres
he loves me as well, in his own little way,
even if he can't show it from day to day.
But he brings out the worst in me.

Or do I take a chance with a man,
who adores every inch,
whose idea of heaven is giving me what I want.
Whether it is sex, oral or straight,
or a new leather jacket,
or dinner for two.
He can cook and he can clean,
he dresses stylishly and is not mean,
he is generous and kind,
and has great staying power,
and brings out the best in me.

The choice is pretty easy when I put it like thatD

Of course we are not so far. His wife is recovering, he cannot leave her. One day she will come out of Rehab, and he will stay with her, cos he is that sort of guy. But I will soon be free to decide. Once my youngest is older, maybe 4 years time, I could leave, and be like pollygarter, or maybe find another man who will love me as much as Rolf does. 4 years is really not that long
Then I will be at a golden birthday, maybe halfway through my life. Better not waste it.

And having just come back from 2 days with him, I realise that using my youngest as an excuse to stay with my husband, is just that, an excuse. I could take her with me, but only if I was moving in with R. I work far too many hours and travel too much for anything else to work. Of course, I will not tell R this, but it is a stage I have reached. Nearly a year together, and I am much clearer as to what could be, if only.........

I am lucky enough to be on the email list for news from Mark and his wife in their new life in their new country. His wife generally writes the newsy emails, Mark tends to write political ones I guess there is a difference between men and women showing itself.

Anyway, in the latest email she tells us they are going camping this weekend. For the first time since their youth. But they happen to have a tent, which Mark bought for a trip he once made, but he never used it.
Thing is, that trip was with me. The tent was in the boot, as we drove to Suffolk one time. It was part of the cover, and clearly there was no way we were going to use it. Reading that email bought back the memories of that particular trip, of being stuck in a traffic jam, which we found a use for and the hotel room, and the fact I had flu, and he nursed me, bought me hot lemon drinks, did not let it put him off making love. It was a lovely few days, and it makes me feel a bit strange that they are now going to use that tent for real, knowing why it was first bought.
Ah well, at least it is getting some use, and I must admit that the thought of Mark in a tent is fairly amusing. He is a pretty big guy

oh my, this afternoon we have been exchanging such steamy texts, I am now totally moist where I should not be, and totally turned on. And I don't see R until next Monday!

If our offices were only a 100km closer together,  then we would not have got any work done at all this afternoon I think

what did we do before mobile phones ?

Today I am more motivated and have actually set my goals, both career and personal. We have a good form to use which analyses strengths and areas requiring development, so I worked through that, formulated some goals which indicate that I want to stay where I am for the next 3 years or so, but am open to working away for short assignments or for a week per month or so.
By the time 3 years are up, my youngest will have left school, and I can decide just what I want from my relationship with hubbie, and whether it is worth me hanging around.
One of my work collegues has just got a new girlfriend actually. He split up from his wife fairly recently, after she had an affair. He was devastated, but now it seems it is working out for them all. His new girlfriend is also getting a divorce from her husband, and has 2 children similar ages to his 2. His wife is still happy with the guy she left him for, all the kids know each other, and the adults do too. He is very happy, and I am really pleased for him. He is still as financially broke as ever, but you can't have everything

Today is dragging. I cannot get motivated. Could be something to do with the sun shining outside the window, or with the thought that this time next week I will be on my 2 day trip with R, or it may just be I need some new challenges.
Thing is, I have got some. A new assignment, involving staff in several countries, but my initial enthusiasm has waned a little with that. I think this is normal, and this feeling will pass, but it is tedious until it does.
My boss, who is based about 4 hours away, plans to visit me next month. He wants to talk about communication and expectations, and he wants to discuss my goals - where do I want to be in 2 months, and in 2 years time?
I know what he wants me to say. He wants me up where he is, but that is too far away from family and lover for me.
I have never been good at personal goal setting. I tend to go with the flow, and so far it has served me pretty well. But now, it looks like I may have to plan a bit more. There is a form I have to complete, with strengths and training needs, and goals! Maybe I will make a start this afternoon, maybe it will help me focus.
I have bought a lottery ticket as well, in the hope that fortune favours me, and I can jack in the day job. I do have dreams, that with a lottery win could become goals

Okay, I admit it, sex does not cure colds. In fact, it brought my cold out with a vengence! And I am still suffering.

But monday evening itself was fantastic. Not kissing was totally forgotten from the moment I got there. My cold was totally surpressed by all those throat losenges, so I had energy. The sex was wonderful, as ever. I had multiple orgasms and I just let them come. Every time we meet it is better and better. We know each other so well, and R so wants to pleasure me, and we both want it so much, it feels just like this is how it should be.
And I felt truly happy. Walking up the hill to the nest (for nests are always in high places) the sun was shining, the birds singing, and I was so happy. Lieing in his arms it felt so right. When we stopped to refuel on food he had thoughtfully bought along, I was so bubbly. I could not stop talking and laughing. I was totally high and yet totally me. Even better he loves me for it, he loves me however I am

We only had a few hours together, but they were wonderful, and we walked together down the hill to catch our trains in opposite directions, and even though I didn't want to leave him, it was okay. I know we will see each other soon. In fact we have a 2 days trip planned to a city in Germany, in less than 2 weeks now
That will be fantastic. We haven't been able to do an overnight together since his trip away in March, as his son is showing signs of suspicion and checking where he is going etc. But a business trip to this particular city is not unusual, so he will not suspect anything.

My mind was a whirl again I suppose because I see the contrast so clearly, between how I am with R, and how I feel when I am with my husband. It is not that I dislike my husband, but I no longer love him as I should. His touch makes me recoil slightly, which I try to disguise. He gets annoyed if I am too bouncy or exhuberant, and of course the sex is just something I put up with on those rare occasions he wants to. I am happy at home, but not truly happy as when I am with R.
But I am happy enough, so I stay. And R cannot be free, so he stays, and i just hope we have our nest and each other for a long time to come.

I have a date at the nest tonight, but horrors of horrors, I also have a sore throat, and have had for a couple of days now. I don't want to give a cold to R, as if his wife catches it, it will be yet another set back on her slow road to recovery.
So i am sucking, sucking throat sweets in the hope all symptoms of anything vaguely infectious, will disappear by this evening.

That said, we just have to avoid kissing on the lips. But anywhere else will be just fine
And as I told PIP, sex is great for getting rid of colds, so really this is what the doctor ordered.

and do it anyway.

this is one of my life philosophies since reading the book of the same name by Susan Jeffers. A brilliant book if you can get a copy, and now I see she is doing a series of workshops in the UK, including on the isle of Kevin.

I am jealous, I might suggest she organises one nearer where I am

but if any of you want to feel the fear, push your boundaries, and make some changes, here is a list of the workshops.
Have fun: http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/workshops.cfm

Mind you if they are really expensive, just buy the book instead

I have a new blog buddy tel1342 who is very clever with words, and funny too. He has just dedicated a post to me
http://crusader.blog.co.uk/2008/05/01/sid-the-vibrator-4119652

and he hardly knows me not sure if I should be pleased or not.