This morning on my way to Church I received a text message from Jeff. Now when did I break up with Jeff? Must have been 7 or 8 months ago. I had told him that my husband had found out about us. Not strictly true, well not true at all actually, but I was letting him down kindly.

Trouble is that every now and then he sends a text, in the hope that all the dust has settled and we can resume our previous activities. I wish he would just find another lover, but he says he doesn't want to. Maybe I should be flattered, but I know with him it is mainly about the sex. His text today didn't ask how I am getting on or anything, or gently suggest a coffee. No, he was straight into his desire to have sex with me again, and that after all this time it cannot be dangerous.

I don't want to upset the guy. It could get unpredictable. So after Church I sent him a "sorry but no" text. I told him that things were going well for me at the moment, and I have no need for anyone else.
I think he got the message, as he didn't text back. I hope so.

Maybe I should have been honest up front, too nice I am at times.

Just been to the gym - on my bike! Did my workout, and afterwards in the changing room they were playing Santana - she's not there
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRtN3rSXcFE

now that bought back memories. I used to love that era of Santana, and had an album from them. I remember one evening in my bedsit in Nottingham there was about 6 of us there, 3 girls and 3 guys. I remember someone had bought these 3 guys along, they were in Nottingham on business. Those were the days of innocence. We just all sat and chatted, and I got on really well with one particular guy - Alan. We talked for hours, as if we were the only two in the room. And my Santana album was playing, and one of the other guys said how great it was, so I gave him the album to keep.

never saw the album or Alan again after that evening, but he remained in my thoughts. I even wrote him a poem, which I still have in a secret little book hidden somewhere.

got up at 10 am. Yes, that is what I call a good lie in.

have a good day, just read Gordonsblog and realized that there are lots of things I should be doing, and blogging probably is not one of them,
so C U later

Just got back from a wonderful time with R. We made love all afternoon, only slipping out for a quick lunch. The room was very romantic and modern, although a bit chilly initially until R warmed me up
My new little outfit was perfect, midnight blue and black body with built in boobs enhancer and skirt, complete with black stockings. It was so sexy, and made my tummy look flat. I will definitely be wearing that again.
Plus it had the added bonus of keeping me warm while the heater got going, and before R removed it

We did talk a little about his wife, who has now had 3 brain operations. The doctors have stopped saying that there are still things they can try. Options have run out.

But mainly the afternoon was to distract R from his problems, and I think on that score we can declare it a success. There was a moment when we were in a bit of a tight hug, and I was feeling that I never wanted to let him go, and i think he was thinking the same. Dangerous ground, so we moved on from that without voicing our thoughts.

Tonight I will sleep the sleep of the well fd Good night.

My husband had a significant birthday, so I took him away for a child free weekend. I packed all one needs for a child free weekend, massage oil, handcuffs, sexy lingerie
We stayed in a very expensive hotel with overpriced wine, and masses of staff, but it was nice. The bed was very comfortable, for whatever purpose, and the walls were thick stone.
We didn't actually use the oil and handcuffs - bit adventurous for my hubbie, but we did have one good session, so I guess I can't complain.
It would have been two, but I had a bit too much wine on the Sunday evening, and he went boring and disapproving on me, so I ended up in tears and not in the mood for sex

So now I am back, and will never drink more than one glass with him again, if he can't deal with it. I have some days off, so am home alone, so had a nice session with my toys this morning, which almost made up for Sunday evening, and on Thursday I see R, which will also be very satisfying I think.

I have just been to parents evening with my daughter. She is doing an extra year to consolidate what she should have learned in the last 9. In the coffee break I spied Andy, the lawyer that I had a brief affair with earlier this year, before his wife found out.

Now that was a surprise. I know that he had been talking of sending his son for an extra year as well, but it didn't occur to me that he would be in the same school and class as my daughter

So we glanced at each other, and looked away. In the classroom afterwards we stole looks at each other. His wife was with him, and at first glance I saw a tall slim elegant attractive woman, but looking closer as I stole those glances, I saw a very unhappy woman, her face lined and set, her arms folded. The body language was very clear.

I don't think she is like that because of the brief affair Andy and I had. From what he told me she was already like that, that is why he looked for solace outside the marriage.
But it did look like nothing had changed. Andy too looked smaller and older than I remember, although still good looking. Very sad really.

Thank you all for your comments to my last private post. I have just been reading them again. I am very moved, thank you all very much.
Today I feel less all over the place and a bit stronger emotionally.

Sometimes I can be toooo emotional. It drives my eldest daughter crazy, especially when I am crying at something on TV. This is a side effect of allowing myself to love others I think. Ever since knowing Mark, I am more open to my emotions. It is natural, but not easy to explain to my daughter

Final word of the morning, best of luck Gordon at the Specialist today. I really hope they can help you

After my last private post where I said what Res had mailed to me, I have had a few people advising me not to meet him for coffee on Friday. He has a hidden agenda.
So I am not meeting him
He has actually written again apologizing and admitting that it is him that has the problem, and it wasn't down to me, which is good. He can't make it Friday afternoon anyway, and I can't make it in the morning, so it is not to be.
When you think we work 10 minutes from each other, you would think that if we really wanted to meet we would find a way.

But I am seeing R. We are meeting Wednesday, it is still on, and whatever we do I am just happy to be seeing him again so soon.

So i am a happy bunny again, can't keep me down for long
Thank you for all the hugs. It really does help.

isn't it strange how Steve Fosset with his electronic beacons and signals, can disappear in the Nevada desert without trace
I mean I know it is a big desert, and he was in a little plane, but to just vanish without sending any distress signal.

Is it the Nevada desert where there was a whisper of a crashed alien, and that secret US base where they have its body? maybe he got abducted by aliens

I should check with that conspiracy blogger who is lurking around somewhere. I did search for posts on this subject, but found none on this site. Aren't we shallow

I think I have fallen too deep in love with R. I know he will break my heart eventually. There is an inevitability to it, but I am in now, and can't get out without breaking my heart anyway, so I may as well enjoy the trip, and try not to think of the end station

I don't need you to comment, just thought I would share

Last night was fun. R came to my office first of all, as he was earlier in town. We drove to the room we had rented. That was my first embarressment actually. I have used the organisation which rents rooms for meeting lovers here about 5 times, 2 times with R, and the other 3 times with 3 different lovers. I had been sent the address, the problem is that it was in a part of town where he has more than 1 room, and I have used at least 2 of them there. So naturally I drove straight to the wrong one and had to admit to R that I had used that one before. Then we drove to the correct one, which I had also used before OMG, this was embarressing, particularly as I couldn't quite remember which floor it was on.
Anyway, that hurdle over, R was okay about it. He says he likes it that I have some experience, which is very diplomatic of him
Then about 30 minutes after we were in the room, by which time we were on the bed, naked etc, the doorbell downstairs rang. So we ignored it. 5 minutes later there was a knock on the door of the apartment.
I slipped on a shirt and knickers, and inched it open. There stood another couple, looking hopeful
They left us to it though, realising that they must have made a mistake. I assume that it was their mistake, or else the guy had double booked. Anyway they did not come back.
No jokes about sharing the bed and fantasies please

So after all that, we had a good evenings entertainment. We made love, we talked, we went out to dinner ( quite quickly, main course only) in a nearby restaurant, went back, made love, talked, and then I droped R for his train, and drove happily home.

Today, on the train, i was obviously glowing. I felt so happy and content, and men I have never seen before in my life kept smiling at me. Love makes me glow, and I like this side effect.

i think that it was good for R. He enjoyed himself, and although we discussed how things are with his wife, I hope it was enough of a diversion for him to relax for a few hours.

Why is it that whenever I arrange to meet my lover, my bl***y period decides to come 2 days early again!!!!!!!
And then when we put flights back just in case it is early, it comes dead on time.

I think I know why. There is so much anticipation and adrenaline pumping round my body, that everything anticipates itself.

The plus is it is still only light, and will be gone again by next Wed when we have a night with the whirlpool bath planned. Even my body can't anticipate such things by a whole cycle.

Sometimes there are certain aspects about being a woman that just annoy me. Roll on menopause

just read that some firms are banning Facebook
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/6989100.stm

apparently too many employees are wasting too much time on there

not me boss, I am not on Facebook, and hardly ever on blog uk, honestD

just read a post on Siennas blog that reminded me of an ad that is in our local paper.
A gentleman is advertising himself as available to give the perfect "imtimrasur" or pussy shave and then a full classical massage to follow.
Sounds very interesting I wonder how many customers he gets.

after my severe reprimand from Gordon via his blog, I am feeling happy. Well I was before, but his comment made me laugh, so now I am even happier.
Tomorrow I meet R, and I will do my best to totally distract him from all the rest of the Mist that is in his life at present ( see antladys blog for translation of mist)
And we have arranged to meet next Wed as well. I have taken a hotel room, with Whirlpool bath, and he will try and stay as well.
Life has to go on, and his wife is in the best place at the moment, and hopefully getting better, but it is still too soon to say.
Have a nice evening

I found this on faheems blog, who writes loads of jokes, some are new, some not so new, but they made me smile, which I can use at the moment.

so visit this site and
Punch in your loved ones mobile number and it will pinpoint exactly where he/she is at present.

http://www.sat-gps-locate.com

I did it with my own phone number, and it showed me exactly where i will be a week tomorrow, all being well

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/6988343.stm

Anita Roddick has died of a sudden brain hemorrhage

heh, i have 40 42 friends on here now. I think that is more than I have in the real world

I have just had a lovely chat with R on the phone. He is coping pretty well with what is going on, although as he says, he needs to be strong for all those that are relying on him.

This morning we had exchanged a fair few emails. We always try to be totally honest with each other, especially as we are not being honest with others. So today we discussed by email whether things will change or not. He had initially written that our relationship would not change, so I wrote back with some doubts. And he didn't patronise or dismiss them, he acknowledged the truth in the situation, and that things might change. So that was good, I hate it when guys won't discuss things properly because they don't want to acknowledge situations. Mark, that was your one fault if you are reading this
And then I texted him that I have given up with my lovers phone - this was a mobile I used just for lovers, then I could control when it was on, and where, as a security precaution. Trouble is the battery kept running down quickly, it was such a basic phone it drove me mad, and he was the only one that I was using it with. So I decided to stick to my main phone, and just make sure I clear all evidence.
He wrote back that he was so happy about that, as he had never liked the lovers phone. When quizzed it turned out that he assummed I was communicating with other people on it, and it made him uncomfortable. So I could put his mind at rest about that as well, and reassure him that he is the only one for me.
So thank goodness for that He should have told me before it bothered him, then i would have turned it off ages ago, but still, at least I know now.
He doesn't mind about my blog though, even though I haven't given him the link. And I still haven't decided if I will. As Sienna probably has found, having lovers read all your thoughts is not necessarily a good idea.

I have changed my profile picture as my friends will notice. This is because of the situation with R and his wife at the moment. I am being loving and supportive, or as much as I can be from a distance, but it is a very sad situation, so I thought I would switch to my sad eye piccie.
Just for a time.
The operation took about 6 hours yesterday, and now all are waiting for her to wake from the coma so that it can be assessed what damage is done.

So clearly, R and I aren't seeing each other as much at the moment, I am in a chaste period, which is a novelty for me. Actually, we hope to meet one evening next week, but just for dinner and to spend some time together. I will remain chaste

I had an email again from Res today. He was also close to death over the summer, and he wrote to me today to say that he is living each day in a definite and thankful way. Which is great, and shows what a brush with death does for you. Not that I want one.
I don't need that to tell me to live life to the full

So if any of you are feeling pissed off at present, remember it could be worse, you could be in hospital with your head shaved and a huge scar, with no one knowing if you will ever wake up again.

I just got a text message from R. His wife is on the intensive care station with a cerebral hamorrage. I had to look up what it is, and it is a very sobering read:

A cerebral hamorrage is a bleeding in the brain. It can lead to strokes and demand immediate medical emergency attention. This article tries to summarize the more critical information regarding cerebral hamorrage.

TYPES
1. Epidural Hamorrage (Epidural hematoma)
Bleeding between the outer brain's membrane (the dura) and the skull. It is usually caused by tears in arteries from trauma. Survival rate is 15-20%.
2. Subdural Hamorrage (Subdural hematoma or SDH)
Bleeding between the outer brain's tough membrane and the middle layer (the arachnoid). It is usually caused by tears in veins that cross this space.
3. Subarachnoid Hamorrage (Subarachnoid hemorrhage or SAH)
Bleeding between the arachnoid and the lower layer (pia mater). Survival rate is about 50%. It causes about 5% of all strokes.
4. Intracerebral Hamorrage (Intra-axial hematoma)
Bleeding inside the brain, as opposed to the 3 types of hamorrage above (which bleeds inside the skull but outside the brain tissue).

it is past midnight here in this place I live, and I have just got back from the pub, where I had too many whiskeys- and eh, I could have been in now with my man, but from the snoring noise I can hear, he seems to have fallen asleep.
Oh Man!!!!!!!!!!