I did say in antladys blog that I was going to steer clear until lunchtime, and I have done itD Once I set my mind to something, I am persistent as you know
It was hard, but i resisted logging on, so got a lot more work done this morning,including calling the travel agent about the visa cock up, and writing a letter detailing all my extra costs. I hope to get some decent compensation out of them.
And now I am clocked out in my own time, and in an internet cafe.
we will see how long this self discipline lasts.
As others have commented keeping up with everyones blogs is really hard work, as well as trying to blog oneself. I still need to do the book review, and maybe update on my love life. I also had a great idea for a blog on the link between beards and testestorone levels, and whether bearded men are more likely to have an affair

so now I go get some food, and see you all later. Have a productive afternoon now

I am so proud. If there was a beaming smiley he would be here.D
geeforce has done as I asked and translated the 7 random facts thing into German, and it has started it's rounds of the German language blogs.
I am easily pleased, lol. that would be number 8 in the list.
have a nice afternoon you all

Okay, who tagged me as illegal immigrant?

I suspect I know who it was, is it you AP ?

I am sure there were 12 earlier this evening, but now there are only 11. It will come to me who is missing, as soon as my brain clears.

okay, it appears that Amethystphotography has tagged me to do this, so here goes:
Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog. You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog.?

So these are mine:
1. I am a spontaneous person
2. I love all animals, especially cats, but dogs are pretty cool too
3. I am allergic to wheat products
4. I wear nothing in bed
5. I travel to work by train
6. I need to be more assertive
7. my favourite flowers are tulips and freesias

So I shall tag Geeforce and mrspin (you can translate it into German), Robertraw, swingsetje, KandMoist, Bluebutterfly, funkyfarmer,

is that 7? right, just got to go and tag

I have reclassified all my blogs from my trip to friends only. I realised that because of everything that happened, if any of my collegues should happen across it, they might realise just my true identity
So better safe than sorry

A week ago I ordered my US Dollars on line - save trailing to the bank I thought. Today the postman arrived without any dollars. so I called my bank - well it is the Post office equivalent I bank with. It seems that I overlooked the send button when ordering my dollars, so my order didn't get through.

So,I asked, if I go the the big branch in the next town to me, they will have USD ? Oh yes, she said. So off I went, and wanting to be quick I drove in instead of taking the train.
I parked the car, and went to my branch. I took a ticket to wait for my turn. my turn came, sorry love said the guy, or something equicalent - we only do euros'

Fortunately I had my bank card for a real bank with me, so went along there. Closed for lunch. Ok, so I did what any girl in my situation would do - i went shopping - all essentials for my trip of course.

The bank opened, and miracles of miracles they had dollars, and in small notes, so that was done, time to head home. I put my hand in my back pocket and found that my car park ticket was missing. I went to the customer service. The nice lady there informed me that it would cost €12 for an exit ticket - that is 10 times what it would have been if I could find the ticket. So I searched, and searched. I went to the car to see if it was there, emptied my handbag, retraced my shopping tour. Nothing - nada. By this point I was close to tears. I have got this damn cold for a start, and I was getting hotter and hotter, so leaving everything but my store card in the car i went back to customer service.
"Rules are rules" said the helpful lady, sorry, € 12. I handed over my card. "Oh, you can't use the store card to pay the parking in this case"
Now; i was getting upset. I pointed out that my purse was in the car, 3 floors down. So she asked her collegue if i could pay with the card. And a miracle happened, the collegue said, oh just give her an exit ticket.

I was so happy, I grabbed it from her, and shot off before she could change her mind

So I got home in one piece, and found that one of my dear cats had emptied the garbage sack all over the patio, and left the remains of 2 mice outside the door !

and I still haven't started packing

I am supposed to be packing today for my business trip to the US. I have been really looking forward to this. Unfortunately I have also got a really bad cold! it started a couple of days ago, and now I am desperately trying to get rid of it with herbal teas and lemsips.

I am supposed to be flying tomorrow - do they still let you on a plane with bad colds? I am not sure of the bird flu restrictions, not that I have that. My youngest has had a bad cough and cold for over 2 weeks now, so that is where it came from.

So, if I make it on the plane, I won't have time to blog for the next week probably, the timetable is heavy - 6.30am on the bus for breakfast meetings in the office, all through to the evening, then compulsary dinner and team building until 10pm, then all again the next day - for a week! I think I will have no time to read blogs or emails even, no time for the hotel facilities and no time for adventures

However , if they don't let me on the plane I will come home and crawl into bed for the week I think. I could do with someone loving and obedient to see to my every need then - so Ryan, if you fancy an extra holiday - or send Michael,

One time I was specially flying to the UK to meet Mark for a 2 day trip together, I had a cold then, but couldn't bear not to see him. They let me on the plane, and I flew to him. My cold got worse, but Mark was so sweet, fetching me lemsips, looking after me, not being put off from anything by me being ill - true love, thank you darling.

So friends, wish me luck, and see you in either a week or a day- it all depends

I must admit to feeling very naughty today. I could use meeting some nice guy who knows how to treat a lady to take me in hand. - firmly in hand
Maybe it is the hormones, my most fertile period perhaps, I did read that around that time women are most turned on.
I have also been thinking about past loves, possibly because I have been reading certain blog entries from others. On Thursday it is Andys birthday. Should I send him a birthday greeting? If so, what do I put? I do miss him, but can't deal with seeing him and his wife finding out again, so maybe I should just leave it.
And on Saturday I am going away on business for a week, so who knows who I might meet - a little adventure could be fun

My friends will notice I have changed my picture, and my banner. The other picture was not really me, but it could have been me, if my hair was longer. The curves were about right

I   I have just finished reading the book "The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities"
it covers Polyamory in all its variations and is a very entlightening book for an innocent such as myself.
The book starts off examining our western views on Love, marriage, successful relationships, Monogamy etc. It highlights that Monogamy is not really working, and that other civilisations had very different ideas about relationships. It looks at the reasons why we have sex, and what are the right reasons, and what are the wrong reasons.
The title includes the word Slut, with all its negative connotations. The authors try to reclaim the word and make it positive. I am not sure they manage it, but maybe the negatives are too ingrained in me.
Both the authors (women) are in Polyamorous relationships with partners of both sexes. They have families, are in their 50's, and have a wide circle of friends, most of whom they will sleep with, and all of whom know about each other.
The book looks at safe sex, safer sex, fuck buddies, sex parties, swinging, orgies, everything, but not in a shocking way.

it is certainly interesting, and gave me food for thought. I think I need to read it again. One of the basic tenets that the authors wrote however is that Polyamory works best if the primary relationship that one is in is sound and loving. Polyamory can be used to have needs met that ones partner is not meeting, but any fundamental problems in the primary relationship needs to be sorted out as well, otherwise the security and trust is not there to be able to cope with one person or both having other sexual partners.
The ethics of the book are that one needs to be open and honest, and respectful to all people involved.

My husband did ask me what I was reading, and I showed him the cover. Now I will suggest he reads it too, but I am not sure what sort of discussion this might lead to. I would like to start being more honest, but what is done is done, and there is no point in bringing up what is past. It is where I go from here that is more important.

let sleeping dogs lie is probably a good counsel for this.

I read today that divorce rates in the US are at their lowest level since 1970.

However the main reasons for this are:
The number of couples who live together without marrying has increased tenfold since 1960
the marriage rate has dropped by nearly 30 percent in past 25 years,
and Americans are waiting about five years longer to marry than they did in 1970

So it is pretty clear that if you don't get married, then you don't need to divorce, and no one keeps track of rates of seperations.

so the number 1 reason for divorce would appear to be marriage

link to full story: http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/us-divorce-rate-at-lowest-level-since/20070510163709990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001

I sent a link to geeforces blog to Andy yesterday. G has written a great piece about talking and listening to women, however if you can't read german then it will mean nothing to you, but if you can then look for the piece entitled Die orale-Befreidigung der Frau
I liked the piece, G does write a lot of good stuff when it comes to relationships.
His photos tend to be a bit borderline though, not sure how you get away with it G.

Anyway, Andy, for those who don't know, used to be a lover, but his wife suspected an affair, so we are now no longer lovers. It is my first communication with him since we split, and this morning I got an email back.
Just short, thanking me for the link, wishing me well, nothing more, and I didn't expect more. But it would have been nice
The short communication did make me a bit melancholy, but life moves on. Last night I was on line with Mark, after our call yesterday, so that was really nice as well, but it did make me cry. As the little on line quiz revealed, I tend to fall in love easily, stay in love for a long time, and fall hard

I tried the quiz in antladys blog too and got

Your Deadly Sins

Lust: 40% Pride: 20% Sloth: 20% Envy: 0% Gluttony: 0% Greed: 0% Wrath: 0% Chance You'll Go to Hell: 11% You'll die from overexertion.

 I have just got off the phone from a call with Mark. It used to be we called each other every day, then it slipped to every other day, then every Wednesday, and now, only when I can tie him downD
Mark is very busy at the moment, packing and sorting, writing essays, doing paperwork, everything has to be done for when he leaves the UK in August.
So I do understand that he has little time to call me. And really what do the calls achieve?
I get to hear his wonderful sexy soothing voice, he gets to hear my giggle, which he loves. We get to talk about the wonderful times we had together. We joke about what we would do if we were together now, but both of us know that the good times are over.

Actually although my eyes have tears in them after our call, I still enjoy the calls. We don't forget our first true love, and neither should we.

Anyone reading my blog will I think surmise that I swing a bit in my thoughts and feelings. I am impulsive, that is both a strength and a weakness. It can get me into trouble, or it can lead me to great experiences, or it can just make life a bit more interesting.
I am searching for me at the moment. I am restless and even though I write of happiness coming from within, and I actually believe it, I find it hard to hold on to that.
I have ordered the book "the ethical Slut" as another impulsive act, and I am looking forward to reading it, although it may not help me in my search.
I will review it here though,

I decided to do a bit more research into polyamory, as I wanted to explain it to Res. I find that one area I missed when first looking up the meaning, is that in a polyamory relationship all parties are aware of each other, so an open relationship with all.
This is not what I have, but maybe it is what I should be looking at. It is something I wished I could have before. That would save so many problems,I could have all the fun without the lies and guilt bit.
I found a book on amazon: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
it has a good write up. Maybe I will order it. Then I just need to persuade my husband to read it as well - could be a problem. Anyone done it?

I noticed today that someone has tagged me as polyamorous. Now that I have looked it up, i guess it is kind of right. I can love more than one person at once without it diluting my love for any person. I remember when I first chatted on line with Mark, before we met, that was one of the first things he told me about himself, that he was capable of loving more than one person. At the time I thought this to be intriguing, but perhaps a convenient chat up line, ie. I was not sure I believed it.
In those days of innocence I was not aware of the term polyamorous, of that people could be really. Sure we love our children, all of them, more or less equally, but that is not a romantic intimate love. We love our friends, but again that is a different sort of love, nearer to affection than intimacy.
So, okay I am polyamorous, and that may mean that I am indeed incapable of giving up totally on affairs. Indeed I am feeling a little restless today, but I will stick at it for a while longer. It is like going cold turkey after a major binge, I am bound to feel drawn back to what I am missing.
Actually, now that I have worked out what clicking on tags does, I clicked on polyamorous and found just one person with that tag. Apparently he thinks with his penis. This I gathered from his profile, which is as far as I got, because our very clever filtering program here at the office blocked his site. So it must be bad!!!
maybe I will have a look from home over the weekend.

just looked, looks okay to me, no different from most of the rest. I wonder what the program was spotting that I didn't. Anyhow, I have invited him to be a buddy, so maybe I will find out more later.

Well, I have finally taken the last step and written a dear John email to Jeff. So now all my affairs are officially over.
I have been trying to take this last step for weeks now and I couldn't do it. I didn't want to face his anger, I didn't want to burn my boats, there were several reasons I guess. But whilst I was away these last few days with my husband I realised that what we have is basically good, and to risk it just for sex is stupid. And with Jeff it is just sex, it will never be more. We had nothing in common, even language, he understands not one word of English, and that had caused several misunderstandings between us. So it is over now, and I think he expects it, so won't be too angry. He has been texting me daily, wanting to know what happened in Spain, what I am thinking, and now he knows.
He will move on, cos basically what he has with his wife is also good, he just wanted a bit of spice. And, as a result of our mini-affair, he has now opened his very own "seitensprungoasis" a room one can rent for 6 hours to meet one's lover. He got the idea from the rooms we rented, and as he is self-employed, he has now added a room to his business empire in cooperation with his business partner. What I find amazing is that his wife hasn't asked him how he came by the idea, and has helped him decorate and set up the room!
If it had been the other way around, I think I might have asked my husband where the idea suddenly came from, as it is totally unrelated to his current business.
Maybe sometimes things are best left unsaid, and his wife knows that.

What constitutes Kinky sex? I ask this because a certain blog aquaintance admitted to me that he was into kinky sex, but nothing illegal. So that got me wondering what might constitute kinky sex.
My first line of research is always the internet, and actually I didn't get quite as many relevant hits as i thought I might when I googled the question.
However, as I suspected, it is subjective. If someones idea of sex is missionary position with the lights off, and only in the bedroom, then anything outside of that will be kinky. Whereas someone who enjoys spanking may not consider that kinky.

The problem with sex, it seems to me, is that it is something most of us enjoy, most of us want, yet few of us are prepared to discuss it at the dinner table.
Me, I enjoy spanking, in the right circumstances, and to the right level - I don't do pain, but I can't bring myself to tell my husband this, and reserve it for the special person who I think will enjoy it as much, so I guess I view it as slightly kinky, not the mainstream. And then, as I have just indicated, there are degrees of spanking, so persumably there are degrees of kinkiness, and then there is the sado-mascho stuff, that is too painful for me to consider, but if the adults are consenting, then is it kinky or normal?

Whilst in Spain, we visited the Museum of Erotica. Considering that women are not supposed to be so subject to visual turnons, I must admit I found some of them to be a turn on. All those images of women being spanked perhaps? But yes, the images of bondage did not do it for me, so we all have our limits, and our views of normality perhaps.

What particularly struck me about the museum, was the variety of artifacts and images on display, from all countries, for all time periods. Sex is and always has been a major part of our obsessions and cultures, yet we always try and keep it hidden.

I prefer the term variety over kinkiness. Variety is the spice of life, and adding variety to lovemaking has got to be good. As long as all parties consent and it doesn't harm anyone, let us enjoy the variety of life.

It is a little gratifying that whilst I was away in Spain, I had some views of my blog. So it isn't just me then
I know people keep asking why do other people blog? I think for me it is a form of therapy. Plus we all want our 15 minutes of fame, for our views to count for something to someone.

Whilst away in occassionally sunny Spain I was reading "Anybody out there", by Marian Keyes. A book that managed to combine love, laughs and tragedy, and was a great read. I did have to put it down a few times as it had me in tears though. I can be such a sensitive soul!
Needless to say, i won't tell you the plot, but true love bears a part. You know the sort where you meet the one who is THE ONE. And this is not just something for books. I have read of it happening in real life.
Is this what we are all searching for? Do we know it when it happens?
In the book, our heroine did not know it immediately. And the hero is just wonderful, thoughtful, romantic and great in bed - as all the best hero's should be.

Anyway, part of the reason I cried, was because their true love reminded me of Mark. He is probably not THE ONE, but he came close, and gave me a glimpse of how it could be.
And Mark, if you are reading this, I have a feeling that my affairs since have been my way of trying to distract myself from losing you. So I need to find another way of moving on.
Which I will. It takes time that's all.