I am reading a book at the moment entitled "How to be Happy all the time" by Paramhansa Yogananda.
Basically it says that chasing after sensory pleasures is pointless and will lead to pain, and we can be only happy if we seek internal happiness. Other people or things cannot make us happy. We can choose to be happy or not, regardless of cirumstances.

Actually, I think he has a point. Yesterday I was pretty upset, and feeling that I was losing all my lovers, without necessarily getting anything in return. Then today, after the Virginia shooting and the Bagdad bombings, I realised that I should be incredibly grateful for all I do have.

So I agree with Paramhansa, and I am going to try and be happy in myself from now on. Now this does imply a big decision will have to be made not to have any more affairs, but as they have all fizzled out at the moment, maybe it is not such a hard decision to make for the time being.

Today the new more contented me, could pass through a railway station, which previously had always reminded me of Mark, and brought tears to my eyes, and today I could smile, and remember the great time we had in a hotel nearby.