Sometimes I think things are improving at home, and then something happens to prove me wrong. Don't get me wrong, my husband is okay. He cooks, he does laundry, he even irons clothes. He isn't bad with the kids, if he isn't in one of his moods and out to make his point.
But then he can be so moody, can we blame hormones? Do men have hormonal swings like women?

It is when he is being moody that I find it easier to justify why I am attracted to others. In a love affair, all is sweetness and light. We generally only see the good side of the other person. The persona we present to the other is naturally not the same as the persona we are when we are 24/7 with someone. Plus there is the buzz, the excitement, everyone is on a high.

I know that, I am not dumb, but it does still bug me. Maybe it is the unfairness of it. Last night he neglected me, in fact most of the weekend he was on the PC. Last night he was still on it at 10.30 pm. So, knowing we would be up at 6.15 am I suggested, quite sweetly I thought, that he turned it off now. And that was all it needed. He turned it off, stopped speaking to me, sat down in front of the TV, and stayed there for the next hour an a half.
I just don't get it, what had I done? Maybe I will ask him, and see what the answer is, but I think it will not be much of an answer.

So if any of you husbands out there reading this are guilty of being PC obsessed, and then not communicating with your nearest and dearest, just remember, you may be sending her into the arms of another.

I have been wondering about this question for several reasons. My first lover is leaving the country soon, to live even further away. So, as we never really said goodbye, I suggested to him I fly in to see him one last time. Just as friends, no hotel room, no big car, nothing, just a day together as friends.
He says it would not work, that he would not be able to be just friends, and he suggests neither would I be able to.

I didn't really believe him, but then on Friday, I met Res, just for coffee, to talk about things, how things were going. Just as friends. That was the plan, but it didn't happen like that. The old chemistry was there, and I won't say what happened, but needless to say it shouldn't have done, and it was definatly not what just friends do.

And now Jeff, I wrote to him this morning, telling him I could not see him this month, that he should concentrate on his wife, who has been herself trying to inject spice into their marriage, and that I want us still to be friends. But Jeff has already told me that he cannot be just friends.

So maybe it is true that once you have been intimate with someone, it is no longer possible to be just friends.

Yesterday I received a text message with a picture of a penis on it. Not just any penis, but that of a former lover. Now, he does not see himself as a former lover, more a lover on the sidelines, waiting not so patiently.
I have lied to this former lover, who we will call Jeff here.I was afraid of his reaction if I told him I no longer wanted to see him, so I lied, and told him that my husband had found out about us. So now Jeff waits for the imaginary dust to settle, so that we can return to how it was before.

Having an affair is not so easy I have decided. My first affair happened by chance. I was not looking for it, but it happened. My lover lived hundreds of miles away, so when we met it was wonderful and intense. In between we would email and phone, or text message. What would a modern affair be without the mobile phone and email?
But that affair ended after 2 years. By then I was hooked. Hooked on the thrills and excitement, on the planning, on the sex.
So I looked for another lover. This one nearer to home. I found a website where, as a female, i could register for free, and receive lots of emails from interested guys.

Wow. So I did, and the emails came. From all sorts. Some sent obsence photos, so they got deleted, some sent standard letters, so they got deleted, but some sent letters from the heart. Guys who had read my profile, seen what i was looking for, and had felt a connection.

I was amazed how many basically decent guys are out there just searching for some affection and spark in their lives.

So I corresponded with a couple, met one of them, and fell in love.
That was mistake number 1. Don't fall in love with a lover.
Lover number 1, let us call him Res, was great at the beginning. A doctor, older, taller, maybe a bit battered, but very lovable.
But after a while, with the strength of feelings between us, Res paniked. He confessed it all to his wife, decided to move out, then not to move out, to not see me, to see me. It was a rollercoaster, that in the end, we finished.
Now we are on a time out, until Summer, so that he can try and decide what he wants.

Lover number 2, Jeff, wrote to me whilst i was in an inbetween period with Res. He seemed kind, so i met him out of curiosity. He was not really my type, but I was too weak to tell him that. So we carried on meeting, and he spent weeks trying to persuade me to go the whole way, which in the end i did. I didn't love Jeff, but then I realised that sex without love, just lust, can still be pretty good, and he was pretty good.

And then came lover number 3, we will call him Andy. He wrote to me whilst I was still with jeff. His words captured me, so I agreed to meet him. He was what I was looking for. A lawyer, rich, successful, fit and tanned, with a sense of humour. We had sex the second date, and it was dynamite.

So then I dropped Jeff. Or I lied to Jeff, having tried to drop him before and finding that the truth was too hurtful for him.

I was determined not to fall in love with Andy, and I have managed that. I do think he is great, and I love being with him, but i will not make the mistake number 1 again.

Unfortunately Andys wife got suspicious one time when Andy shaved and showered at lunch time instead of in the morning. So I haven't heard from him barely in a week, and who knows what will happen

So, now I have no lovers for the present, but I will not return to Jeff. Lust is okay, but one needs also that little extra for an affair to work.